PSA: I do NOT recommend consuming a liter of 100% lemon juice in less than 17 seconds (or in one sitting of any length).

I do not like eating or drinking records.

Missing sports during COVID-19? Me too, that’s why I unwisely tried this.

I consumed 200 servings of pure lemon juice (1 liter) in 16.53 seconds through a straw breaking the previous record, held by my record-breaking friend, Andre Ortolf, of 17.12 seconds.

I never actually practiced for this record with lemon juice. In fact, I only ever sucked down a full liter of water in practice twice. I did, however, practice dozens of times for the fastest time to drink a half-liter of water through a straw. The difference between a half a liter of liquid being added to the stomach in seconds and a liter is kind of like the difference between getting punched in the gut by my 4-year-old or by Manny Pacquiao. I was pretty confident I could drink the liquid fast enough. I just wasn’t going to like how it felt. The big question is if I would gag from the sour the lemon juice and be unable to swallow.

I decided beforehand I was going to drink some lemon juice to get my mouth and throat accustomed to the sour taste and acidic feel. That didn’t go as well as I hoped because it was so sour I gagged, got a raspy feel in my throat, and got the shivers.

My biggest worry was actually what might happen afterward. Would I throw up? Would my stomach be sour? Would my digestive system be able to handle it? Now that I’m reflecting on it as I write this, maybe I should have looked this one up before I tried it.

I carefully inspected the unopened bottles up-close on camera, showed the ingredients (100% lemon juice), and then opened the bottle. At first, I thought I had only partially opened the seal since only a tiny bit came out, but then I realized lemon juice is supposed to be consumed in small quantities. I carefully measured 1 liter out with four 250ml pours but apparently the larger container I was putting it in wasn’t as accurate so I ended up needed 1050ml to fill it up to that liter line just to be safe.

I measured the straw for the minimum length and maximum width and took some deep breaths to oxygenate. About 12 seconds into this attempt during the two 1 liter water practices, I felt like I was out of oxygen and wanted to take a breath. This attempt was no different. The witnesses then tasted the lemon juice to confirm it was indeed lemon juice.

After a 3, 2, 1, go I wrapped my lips around the straw and started drinking. I didn’t gag on the lemon juice and since I was in an official attempt I was dialed in and the pain and sour was far more muted than when I was just sipping on it. I had the entire contents emptied in about 15 seconds before I started slurping the last little bit off the bottom. I had to finish my final swallow and then open my mouth before the stopwatches were allowed to stop.

I opened my mouth and almost gagged because from the back of my throat all the way to my stomach was still full of lemon juice that would take several more seconds to reach my stomach. I heaved for air. I tried to talk. My voice was raspy and would be for several minutes. I asked “How’m I doing?” meaning, “Did I break the record?” but it felt more like I was asking “Am I going to throw up?” I almost did. My stomach was rapidly stretched and was so uncomfortable, I didn’t want to move. It took several minutes of standing before I could feel safe moving without risking losing the contents of my stomach. Guinness didn’t specify any length of time the lemon juice needed to remain in the stomach, but I feel like it’s in the spirit of the rules that it’s supposed to stay down.

My voice remained raspy. I needed sips of water. The witnesses joked and laughed. I tried to celebrate but it just wasn’t there. I don’t like eating and drinking records. They’re painful like running a half marathon with blisters but lack the endorphins that come with exercise and a feeling of achievement. Andre can have this one back.

An hour after the attempt, my stomach was still sour and I was still worried I might throw up. I took 3 large Tums. Two hours after I was still iffy. Three and a half hours later my stomach was so sour, I wasn’t sure I would be able to eat dinner. I was able to, but not very much. It wasn’t until the next day that I realized I was going to make it with no lasting long-term side effects.

I may never enjoy lemonade again the way I did before.